What people think grief is, and what it actually is, are often two very different things. Without any formal learning around the subject,  most of what people know about grief comes from watching what others say and do, and from what they have learned within their family unit.   Social myths abound, but unfortunately are not recognised as such, and so are accepted as the norm.   And, of course, we respond to the "shoulds" of others.

 

Below is a list of statements about grief.   Read each of them carefully and decide whether you think it is true or false.   Doing this little exercise might provide some insights for you and also be a gauge to your learning about the topic. There is a summary at the bottom of the page.

   

1. Children often express their grief in noise and naughtiness.

2. Grief is common to people of all ages, religious faiths and cultures.

3. Grief is an intense emotional state caused by severe loss.

4. The passage of time heals grief.

5. Family members all grieve the same way, particularly when the loss is common to them all.

6. Grief is hard to resolve when there is social pressure not to express tears, hurt, and anger in public.

7. Grief affects every biological system of the body.

8. The amount of grief that a person experiences will usually equal the significance the loss and what it means for them.      

9. Only the person experiencing the loss can determine how important that loss is.

10. Even when people consciously make choices that result in loss, a grief reaction can still occur (e.g. abortion, to leave a job, to end a relationship).

11. Grieving is a social process.

12. Unresolved grief can accumulate over time.

13. Grieving people need to stay busy in order to heal.

14. Children only begin to experience grief at around 3 years of age.

15. Grief is only experienced when somebody close to you has died.

16. A person's ethnic background affects the way they experience grief, and also the way they grieve.  

17. How a person dies has an impact upon the grief that their loved- ones experience.

18. Unresolved losses in early childhood can resurface in adulthood.

19. In dominant New Zealand culture, grief is minimized and often misunderstood.

20. Six months is a reasonable period to expect someone to grieve after they have experienced the death of someone special.

 

             

 

 Statements 4, 5, 13, 14, 15, 20 are false.